I was checking my email this evening and found a curious message- someone had posted a comment regarding a video I posted on YouTube years ago. It was not a very nice message, and it shook me to my core.
This person said that I was singing a song, not reading a letter, and that I needed to entertain. First of all, why entertain? That is not the purpose of art. The purpose of art is to confess, to tell a story, and I believe I did that in the best way possible.
Still, that didn't keep me from scouring the internet trying to find out who wrote the message. My attempts were in vain- while I had a few ideas, I had absolutely no firm evidence.
Eventually I was left asking myself, 'Why? Why do I care so much? Why does one person's opinion have so much weight?', and I realized that it's because that criticism could have been coming from me. Those are the kinds of things I tell myself day in and day out, despite the fact that they are lies. Not every performer is the same; while it is certainly important to find your own voice (which I had not yet done at the time of recording the video), not everyone has to 'sell the song', so to speak.
Over the years (and especially over the past few months), I have developed a performance style that is uniquely my own by acknowledging, accepting, and embracing those very things the commenter criticized. I am not comfortable being in the spotlight, forced to entertain, and I embrace that by bringing my quiet energy to the audience.
I believe that this commenter made a mistake by commenting on such an old video and judging me where I was in the past.
And I almost made a grave mistake by allowing the comment to unravel me. I am not the same person I was then.
So what did I eventually do? I re-watched the video and allowed no judgment but my own, which I am proud to say was encouragement for being true to myself even then and also for having come so far, then I posted a simple reply: michagoolsby.bandcamp.com
I am who I am becoming.
