I have come into a season of my life where it is becoming necessary to prune some blossoms from the tree of my life and artistry. I don't think anything is harder than taking a thing of beauty that is slightly past its prime in order to make room for more beautiful things. I want to hold on the beautiful thing it was, rather than come to terms with the fact that it is no longer life-giving and, in fact, is holding back the new growth that is waiting to burst forth.
According to RoseMagazine.com(http://www.rosemagazine.com/pages/pruning.asp), pruning redirects growth in the plant. "Ah!" I thought. "How appropriate! I am definitely feeling a turn of direction due to the pruning I am currently undertaking."
My fear is that I am pruning too much, that all that will end up growing is weeds or other things that will choke my growth... I am fearful that I am cutting out profitable (but well past-their-prime) endeavors in order to pursue things that are not immediately going to make me money (but are much more fulfilling spiritually).
Strangely enough, I am feeling very calm and even excited despite these fears. I think my soul knows that it has been time to let go for a long while now. She seems glad that I am moving on.
So here's to pruning and becoming even more of a self-nurturing artist.
:-)
Friday, September 28, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
The Blocked Path
I don't deal well with rejection. I know that I am probably in the worst profession in the world to be saying this, but it's true. Even though I've developed a relatively tough inner layer, I'm still pretty thin-skinned, so you can imagine how I felt this morning when I woke up and saw that one of my million submissions had not been accepted by some A and R guy somewhere.
That was bad enough, but there was a condescending article that followed that I suppose would be great reading for someone who doesn't have 13 years of stage experience, but was completely useless to me. It was all about 'connecting' with the audience. Ughhhh. This groan is twofold: 1. I know how to connect with an audience, and I often do. I have really great stage presence. 2. Sometimes I simply don't want to- and that is also part of my stage presence. I intentionally don't connect. I am standoffish and unavailable. And I like that,sometimes, too.
The advantage of the internet is that there are numerous ways for artists to sell themselves. The disadvantage is that there are numerous people waiting to make a buck or just a name by telling these artists just how they should sell themselves.
For me, art is first and foremost. Audience is second. It has to be. If a true artist is creating with the intention of pleasing their target demographic, the art is going to be, at best, watered-down and, at worst, cheap. These are heavy accusations to level at the musician community, I know- I'm not saying that every pop artist who really connects with an audience or who writes for a target demographic is watered-down or cheap. There are a lot of artists out there who are brilliant at both making an audience feel at home and also writing music that speaks directly to their fans.
I, however, am not one of those people. I am adept at getting the audience inside me, so if I am feeling uncomfortable or insecure, the audience is feeling it. At the same time, they're also feeling the pain, the trauma, the elation, the quirkiness, the desperation, the drive, the peace, and the inner confidence of my music. That's what makes me 'me' as an artist. If I want to be another person other than myself on stage, then I will go and perform in plays (and I do!). I am NOT an entertainer. I am NOT a performer. I am an artist. And when a person comes to see me, they are coming to see me as an artist.
Because of my unwavering (and borderline selfish) devotion to art and self-expression, I am presented with many roadblocks. I get people saying I should be more this or that, less that or this. Most of this criticism comes from the internet, sometimes it comes from colleagues.
The thing is, if one is a self-nurturing artist, one has to take the good with the bad and know what to change and what to keep. Sometimes things that seem bad or ineffective to others are not bad- they're just different. I could list numerous examples here but I am concerned that I would be comparing myself to the greatest geniuses in music and I don't feel comfortable doing that (in public haha).
If you are an artist who is a little different, who doesn't particularly like dealing with a lot of people and who considers marketing to be scammy and who would rather die than entertain, then you're not alone. You're different, yes, but you are special because you're different. I guess this blog is for you. Be yourself, even when you create roadblocks for yourself. These roadblocks will eventually put you on a path that is more suited to you and your intensely personal artistic style.
I think... ask me in ten years.
That was bad enough, but there was a condescending article that followed that I suppose would be great reading for someone who doesn't have 13 years of stage experience, but was completely useless to me. It was all about 'connecting' with the audience. Ughhhh. This groan is twofold: 1. I know how to connect with an audience, and I often do. I have really great stage presence. 2. Sometimes I simply don't want to- and that is also part of my stage presence. I intentionally don't connect. I am standoffish and unavailable. And I like that,sometimes, too.
The advantage of the internet is that there are numerous ways for artists to sell themselves. The disadvantage is that there are numerous people waiting to make a buck or just a name by telling these artists just how they should sell themselves.
For me, art is first and foremost. Audience is second. It has to be. If a true artist is creating with the intention of pleasing their target demographic, the art is going to be, at best, watered-down and, at worst, cheap. These are heavy accusations to level at the musician community, I know- I'm not saying that every pop artist who really connects with an audience or who writes for a target demographic is watered-down or cheap. There are a lot of artists out there who are brilliant at both making an audience feel at home and also writing music that speaks directly to their fans.
I, however, am not one of those people. I am adept at getting the audience inside me, so if I am feeling uncomfortable or insecure, the audience is feeling it. At the same time, they're also feeling the pain, the trauma, the elation, the quirkiness, the desperation, the drive, the peace, and the inner confidence of my music. That's what makes me 'me' as an artist. If I want to be another person other than myself on stage, then I will go and perform in plays (and I do!). I am NOT an entertainer. I am NOT a performer. I am an artist. And when a person comes to see me, they are coming to see me as an artist.
Because of my unwavering (and borderline selfish) devotion to art and self-expression, I am presented with many roadblocks. I get people saying I should be more this or that, less that or this. Most of this criticism comes from the internet, sometimes it comes from colleagues.
The thing is, if one is a self-nurturing artist, one has to take the good with the bad and know what to change and what to keep. Sometimes things that seem bad or ineffective to others are not bad- they're just different. I could list numerous examples here but I am concerned that I would be comparing myself to the greatest geniuses in music and I don't feel comfortable doing that (in public haha).
If you are an artist who is a little different, who doesn't particularly like dealing with a lot of people and who considers marketing to be scammy and who would rather die than entertain, then you're not alone. You're different, yes, but you are special because you're different. I guess this blog is for you. Be yourself, even when you create roadblocks for yourself. These roadblocks will eventually put you on a path that is more suited to you and your intensely personal artistic style.
I think... ask me in ten years.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
The Path of Least Resistance
Today I had the glorious opportunity to watch the Emmys live on TV (well, part of them, anyway). The writing, staging, and acting were top-notch, and I felt generally inspired. I also had this nagging feeling that I could NEVER be as beautiful as the actresses who were at the awards show, and therefore I could never get hired.
I decided to fight this feeling by obsessively researching dance and acting classes and seeing which ones would be appropriate for my intermediate-level experience and fit with my schedule. Well, first off, NONE of them are offered in the mornings. Bummer. So I decided that I would try to register for the evening classes. DONE. :-)
Well, almost. I felt like the classes I would be registering for wouldn't quite be what I needed, so I proceeded to do a little more digging. It was through this that I found out about a local playwright's association that holds open readings! Cool beans! This will give me the opportunity to network both as a writer AND as an actress!!!
Except... when I researched further, I found the playwright's association is now defunct and has been for a long time.
So what did I do?
I gave up and I wrote poetry. And I was astounded at how easily the rhythm and rhyme and meter came to me... it was as natural as breathing. Compared to my exercise in digging trenches by trying to better prepare myself as an actress, I felt like I was flying. I then realized that, as much as I love acting and singing and dancing and writing music and performing, all of those are incredibly hard work for me. Writing poetry, though... it's like waking up for breakfast and brewing coffee.
I decided to fight this feeling by obsessively researching dance and acting classes and seeing which ones would be appropriate for my intermediate-level experience and fit with my schedule. Well, first off, NONE of them are offered in the mornings. Bummer. So I decided that I would try to register for the evening classes. DONE. :-)
Well, almost. I felt like the classes I would be registering for wouldn't quite be what I needed, so I proceeded to do a little more digging. It was through this that I found out about a local playwright's association that holds open readings! Cool beans! This will give me the opportunity to network both as a writer AND as an actress!!!
Except... when I researched further, I found the playwright's association is now defunct and has been for a long time.
So what did I do?
I gave up and I wrote poetry. And I was astounded at how easily the rhythm and rhyme and meter came to me... it was as natural as breathing. Compared to my exercise in digging trenches by trying to better prepare myself as an actress, I felt like I was flying. I then realized that, as much as I love acting and singing and dancing and writing music and performing, all of those are incredibly hard work for me. Writing poetry, though... it's like waking up for breakfast and brewing coffee.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Accepting Many Paths
...And from out of the blue
And without any guide
You know what your decision is
Which is not to decide...
-Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods
I am many, many things. I am a writer, a musician, a vocalist, a dancer and an aspiring actress. I have many dreams, some of them are in the process of being realized. It is difficult sometimes to separate my artist-self from the din of all the people telling me what I need to do in order to be famous (or at least moderately successful).
I am writing this blog so that myself and others can come here to pay attention to their inner selves. Right now I am reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and I will probably be making a lot of references to that book.
I am an introvert. This means that I get very drained if I hang around people too much. The problem is, I am in a people-oriented business. Recording artists and actresses HAVE to deal with people. A lot of people. A lot of networking- so how do I stay sane?
Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I entirely freak out because of all the stress. But that is why I've started this blog- so I can have a place to go to find myself. To remind myself that I am not merely the sum of my parts.
At times I think the more talent one has, the greater pressure to use it- it is often difficult to determine just what parts of the talent one should be pursuing at any given time. Right now I am juggling a part-time teaching career with a part-time recording artist career with a part-time practicing schedule and a part-time pursuit of my other dreams. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing is the right thing to do. Sometimes I feel as though I should just pick one and really pour all my energies into that one thing. But I'm not ready to do that right now. I think acknowledging this is one of the first steps to artist self-nurturance. For so long, I would beat myself bloody by criticizing my choice not to choose. I won't do that anymore.
So step 1 (out of thousands) in artist self-nurturing: 1. If you can't choose what you want, don't choose. The things you want will become clearer as you continue down your many paths.
I sincerely hope that this blog will end up helping others like me, people who have many many talents and, at times, feel overwhelmed by them .
In the meantime: Check out this book. The Artist's Way
Love-
The Self-Nurturing Artist
And without any guide
You know what your decision is
Which is not to decide...
-Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods
I am many, many things. I am a writer, a musician, a vocalist, a dancer and an aspiring actress. I have many dreams, some of them are in the process of being realized. It is difficult sometimes to separate my artist-self from the din of all the people telling me what I need to do in order to be famous (or at least moderately successful).
I am writing this blog so that myself and others can come here to pay attention to their inner selves. Right now I am reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and I will probably be making a lot of references to that book.
I am an introvert. This means that I get very drained if I hang around people too much. The problem is, I am in a people-oriented business. Recording artists and actresses HAVE to deal with people. A lot of people. A lot of networking- so how do I stay sane?
Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I entirely freak out because of all the stress. But that is why I've started this blog- so I can have a place to go to find myself. To remind myself that I am not merely the sum of my parts.
At times I think the more talent one has, the greater pressure to use it- it is often difficult to determine just what parts of the talent one should be pursuing at any given time. Right now I am juggling a part-time teaching career with a part-time recording artist career with a part-time practicing schedule and a part-time pursuit of my other dreams. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing is the right thing to do. Sometimes I feel as though I should just pick one and really pour all my energies into that one thing. But I'm not ready to do that right now. I think acknowledging this is one of the first steps to artist self-nurturance. For so long, I would beat myself bloody by criticizing my choice not to choose. I won't do that anymore.
So step 1 (out of thousands) in artist self-nurturing: 1. If you can't choose what you want, don't choose. The things you want will become clearer as you continue down your many paths.
I sincerely hope that this blog will end up helping others like me, people who have many many talents and, at times, feel overwhelmed by them .
In the meantime: Check out this book. The Artist's Way
Love-
The Self-Nurturing Artist
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